Snails for Dinner

    A woman sends her husband out to buy snails for a dinner party that night. Instead of going straight to the store, he stops off at a pub. Six beers later, he remembers: 'The dinner party!'
    He staggers to the store, buys all the snails they have, and staggers back home, where he promptly trips over the welcome mat, sending all the snails flying. Just then, the door opens. It's his wife, glaring at him. He looks at the snails scattered about and slurs, "Come on, guys, we're almost there!"

Greeting Cards you'll never see a hallmark on !!!

"Looking back over the years that we've been together I can't help but wonder......
'What the hell was I thinking'"

"Congratulations on your wedding day....
Too bad no one likes your wife"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love....
But since I've met you I've changed my mind"

"I must admit you brought Religion to my life.....
I never believed in Hell until I met you"

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....
That you're not here to ruin it for me"

"Someday I hope to get married....
But not to you"

"You look great for your age....
Alomst lifeless"

"When we were together, you always said that you'd die for me.....
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise"

"It's so miserable without you....
It's almost like you're here"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and had only one life jacket....
I'll miss you heaps and think of you often"

"Your friends and I wanted to do something something on your birthday.....
So we're having you put to sleep"

Every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb !

All good things come to those who wait.....
BUT
Time and tide wait for none.

The pen is mightier than the sword.....
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.

Wise men think alike.....
BUT
Fools seldom differ.

Slow and steady wins the race....
BUT
Time waits for none.

There's no such thing as a free lunch...
BUT
The best things in life are free.

Do it well, or nothing at all...
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.

Birds of a feather flock together.....
BUT
Opposites attract.

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom....
BUT
Faith will move mountains.

Great starts make great finishes....
BUT
It isn't over till it's over.

Practise makes perfect....
BUT
All work and no play will makes jack a dull boy.

You're never too old to learn....
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander....
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.

Hold fast to the words of your ancestors....
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.