A Blonde On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire??

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Barbara: "I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%... No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
< Barbara repeats the question >
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

---

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

Counseling...

A couple were having marital problems. For Valentines' Day, they decided to do the right thing and they contacted a marriage counselor.
Several visits followed when lots of questions were asked and lots of listening carried out. Eventually the counselor felt that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the women and asking her to stand up, he gave her a big hug.
He turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once every day."
The husband frowned, considered what had been said for a moment, then replied, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

Eating Kids...

Parasite....

Teacher: What is a parasite?
Student: Something you see in Paris.

Onions

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Keeps everyone away.

New York -- Capital of Punjab

Santa's Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
Santa: Why are you praying for that?
Santa's Son: That is what I have written in my exam.

Give me sometime

Student: give me sumtime,
Give me some brain
Give me anther chance to
write my paper once again
Examiner: na na na nana na na

Sodium fell in love with a Bunsen burner...

A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined.
"It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen burner.

Good, Bad And the Worse

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.

Good: You get a three-day weekend.
 Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
 Bad: It's performance art.

Would you please do me a favor?

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
 Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

Definition Of Island.....

Teacher: Define island....
Student: A place surrounded by all sides but from the top......

Qualifying for Heaven

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. 
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered. "That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."