Dictionary For Women...

• Argument: A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realised it as yet.
• Airhead: What a woman becomes intentionally whenpulled over by a policeman.
• Bar-be-que: You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, and cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner."
• Blonde Jokes: Jokes that are short so that men can understand them.
• Eternity: The last two minutes of a football match.
• Exercise: To walk up and down the shopping mall and. resting occasionally to make a purchase.
• Grocery List: What you spend half an hour writing and then, forget taking it with you.
• Hair Dresser: Someone who is able to create a style that you are never able to copy again.
• Patience: The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
• Waterproof Mascara: Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
• Valentine's Day: A day when you have dreams of candle light dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Desperate Man

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.

By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards.  The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asked Mike.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.