Yahan Nahane Mana Hai....

Police: Madam, yahan nahana mana hai.
Lady: Jab main kapde uttaar rahi thi, tab batana nahi tha?
Police: Yahan nahana mana hai, kapde utaarna nahi.

Witty Waiter...

Customer: Waiter, There's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's alright sir, he won't drink much..

Women Drivers!!

   "I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to the traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang driving at 65 miles per hour with her face  up next to her rear view window putting on her eyeliner!

   I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane.

   It scared me so bad that I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and spilled all over my cell phone!!"

Saas - Bahu

Saas: Khuda ne tumhe do aankhe di hai, chawal mein se patthar nahi nikaal sakti?
Bahu: Khuda ne aapko batis daant diye hai, 2-4 patthar nhi chabba sakti!!

Snails for Dinner

    A woman sends her husband out to buy snails for a dinner party that night. Instead of going straight to the store, he stops off at a pub. Six beers later, he remembers: 'The dinner party!'
    He staggers to the store, buys all the snails they have, and staggers back home, where he promptly trips over the welcome mat, sending all the snails flying. Just then, the door opens. It's his wife, glaring at him. He looks at the snails scattered about and slurs, "Come on, guys, we're almost there!"

Greeting Cards you'll never see a hallmark on !!!

"Looking back over the years that we've been together I can't help but wonder......
'What the hell was I thinking'"

"Congratulations on your wedding day....
Too bad no one likes your wife"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love....
But since I've met you I've changed my mind"

"I must admit you brought Religion to my life.....
I never believed in Hell until I met you"

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....
That you're not here to ruin it for me"

"Someday I hope to get married....
But not to you"

"You look great for your age....
Alomst lifeless"

"When we were together, you always said that you'd die for me.....
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise"

"It's so miserable without you....
It's almost like you're here"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and had only one life jacket....
I'll miss you heaps and think of you often"

"Your friends and I wanted to do something something on your birthday.....
So we're having you put to sleep"

Every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb !

All good things come to those who wait.....
BUT
Time and tide wait for none.

The pen is mightier than the sword.....
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.

Wise men think alike.....
BUT
Fools seldom differ.

Slow and steady wins the race....
BUT
Time waits for none.

There's no such thing as a free lunch...
BUT
The best things in life are free.

Do it well, or nothing at all...
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.

Birds of a feather flock together.....
BUT
Opposites attract.

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom....
BUT
Faith will move mountains.

Great starts make great finishes....
BUT
It isn't over till it's over.

Practise makes perfect....
BUT
All work and no play will makes jack a dull boy.

You're never too old to learn....
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander....
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.

Hold fast to the words of your ancestors....
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.

Men....

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Missing Husband

    A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.

   The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

A Gift Session....

    It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
   The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. 
   The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"